Contradictions

We went to India for the holidays. 8 of us. Our immediate family and the grandparents.

I didn’t want to go. I tried for months to convince my wife to cancel the trip. I wanted to go to Hawaii. Something relaxing.

My wife was steadfast. Our kids had never been to India. The grandparents were eager and healthy and available. She reminded me that we only have so many Christmases left before our boys go to college. Why would it be any different next year?

The news of extreme pollution in Delhi in December gave me my best hope. When the AQI reached 450, I made some progress. I am not proud of this but I even played the health card. “450 is like being inside of a forest fire. It’s bad for the kids. The grandparents too.”

But instead of canceling, my wife looked up the AQI in Mumbai. 150. All the rest of the cities were fine too. She shortened the Delhi portion and replaced it with Mumbai. Off we went.

They say India is a land of extremes. That’s true. Opulence and poverty. New Delhi and Old Delhi. Range rovers and rickshaws. Places where you can’t find an inch of personal space and others where you can’t see another person.

But more than extremes, it’s a land of contradictions. We went to a restaurant in Mumbai whose interior was indistinguishable from a hipster haunt in Brooklyn. Craft cocktails and deconstructed dishes. Suffice to say that the alley it resided in bore no resemblance to Brooklyn. I saw a woman working a hand pump for a well in a village. She had a cell phone. I found myself equally stunned by progress as by the lack of it.

We saw where my father grew up. I looked at my own kids and was astounded and inspired by the incredible journeys available in our wonderful world. I also saw kids who look just like mine living on the street and the unfairness of it all broke my heart.

I learned more about my parents in the conversations over the past two weeks than I have in the last ten years. I once read that everyone’s life is like a Russian novel if you ask enough questions. It’s not my business, but I would suspect you’d find the novel of your parents’ lives to be endlessly fascinating. It will also remind you, as it did me, that your parents are people, too.

I was in India for two weeks. I know that’s nothing and I can’t possibly know anything. I also know that I learned a lot. It was eye opening yet refreshing. It was chaotic but my mind is more peaceful.

I didn’t want to go but now I can’t imagine if we hadn’t.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by the contradictions of India. In a way, my life is based on a contradiction. My parents met for an hour before choosing to get married. They just celebrated their 50th anniversary.

When we arrived, my dad said that India requires you to suspend judgment. I think it’s more accurate to say that India eludes judgment. There isn’t a simple explanation.

You just have to see it and understand that the more you see, the less you know.

I suspect that lesson applies well beyond India.